Sincronicity

A song I've already listened to weeks ago mutated before my very ears this morning. I've had a part of it dancing in my head, again and again, until I had to play the damn song in my stereo... and so I pushed the play button and the melody started, and then Paula Cole's voice filled my room and her words pierced through the fog in my brain and touched my already tender heart... and I melted down and started crying all the frozen tears that had been crushing my heart for far too long.

The song is called "El Greco" and it's in Paula Cole's new album, Courage. Here it is:

I’m black on blacker velvet,
Milk skin and veins,
Like some El Greco painting,
So full of pain.
So full of longing for light of day.

I thought I knew who I was in the world.
But here I am twice blind at being born,
Crawling to my buried voice, within.

And I’ve forgotten who I used to be.
And I’ve forgotten the woman in red,
Living her dream.
And I’ve forgotten the courage I used to be.

Happiness is overrated,
It never lasts.
Skating the surface of oceanic depths.
Oh may the fruit of my life be meaning.

So please forgive me all my seriousness,
My so-called spirituality,
I’m just a mess.
I’m tears and anxiety,
But I’m unafraid to See.

And I’ve forgotten who I used to be,
The leader in her glory shining, divining.
And I’ve forgotten, the courage I used to be,
The middle passage is so damned humbling,
persona crumbling,

I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try.
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know,
And I try, and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try.

Like some El Greco painting,
No sun or sky.
No lantern, no candle needed to light,
The holy radiance behind the eyes.

And I’ve forgotten who I used to be.
And I’ve forgotten the woman in red, living her dream.
And I’ve forgotten the courage I used to be.

I don’t know...

I want to be free from desolation and despair...

I have forgotten what is was like when the smell of wet earth made me happy... when all it took to make me smile was to watch the rain fall down or stand under the trees at night and let the breeze sway me with them...

I have forgotten a lot of things because I stopped believing... I dont believe anymore and it has been many years that I've felt this way. And now that I want to believe again... no, it's not that i "want" to believe... now that I NEED to believe again I can't; a knot is tied around my heart like a prison with thorns and it crushes my chest everytime I feel something close to hope or love or light... and it won't let me breathe... and it has turned my life into a terrible ocean of dark and strong undercurrents where there's no light nor air nor a single moment of peace... and I can't find the way out.

I'm drowning in myself... I have lost myself...

Maybe I should stop holding on so hard and let myself fall deeper into darkness... maybe there I will find my light, on the other side...

Questions...

"And I don't know where to look...

My words just break and melt...

Please, just save me from this darkness...

please, just save me from this darkness..."

I don't know why we are alive. If a brain is all there is to us, if when it dies we dissapear, the very things that made us who we were cease to exist, why are we here then? What's the point of it all?

If I believe myself to be special is being a megalomaniac, if seeing my Horned Lord in the forest is just a hallucination, if true love doesn't exist but in my wildest dreams... why is it worth to be alive? What do I live for in a world where no one believes in magic anymore? Where there is nothing sacred or mystical left?

In a world ruled by money and economic power... why am I here? Why?

I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist, my love...

I just don't want to...

30 Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie

Check out the new 30 seconds to mars video.

It's absolutely beautiful and it was worth the wait and the delays. Please, when you are done watching, enter http://abeautifullie.org/ and join us in saving our planet.

Some facts about the video:

The crew refused to set foot on the glacier because it was deemed too dangerous

The weather was so cold that taking your hood off for a minute could result in frostbite. Their hoods were off for the entire video.

39 hours of film were shot. 5 minutes of slow motion were used, all and all about 1:59 of footage.

It was filmed from a helicopter by amatures, because of the dangerous conditions on the actual iceburg

The black lines you see in the video are huge slits in the ice. Thousands of others are unseen. The glaciers were literally breaking under their feet.

If you look closely during part of the video you can see pools in the glaciers. These are water pools from the glacier melting.

At one point (Though edited out) Jared slips and starts to fall down the slippery hill. He saves himself about 20 feet from falling off the cliff.

It took almost a year to plan, took a week to film, and 6 months to edit.

Jared directed, (partially) paid for, and edited the video himself. He edited it on 3 different countries while filming his new movie Mr. Nobody.

The original idea was to film in Antarctica, and the crew wanted it filmed on a green screen. Jared refused to back down and Greenland was eventually chosen for the video (And no green screen was ever used)

The idea of the video was to show the world what we're losing by not caring about the environment. These beautiful glaciers are melting, and aren't only effecting those who live by.

The band had to carry all of their own equiptment on and off of the helicopter. In the scene with the flags, the helicopter caused so much wind that Shannon's drum set would go flying 30 feet away.

192 kinds of insurance were required to shoot the video.

It was so dangerous that the helicopter crew said if not returned to the chopper at a certain time, they would leave without them and the band would have to sleep on the glacier.

When Jared got the tapes to edit, the company gave him the wrong playback machine. He had to pay thousands of his own dollars to rent the correct machine.

For every pound of carbon emissions, they purchase green tags to offset the environmental damage.

100% of the proceeds from this video go to THE NRDC (natural resources defense council)

Happy Holiday's from 30 Seconds to Mars

This is for the Echelon!!! See? 30 stm really loves their fans! And we love them back and we will fight for them till the very end!! MUAHAHAHA! Thank you guys! You are amazing! And happy early birthday to Jared Leto!!

The reasons of my absence

As you can tell, I have not written anything here lately. Well, I have been very busy and one of the major reasons for this prolongued absence is this:

Yes, 3o seconds to mars is coming to Mexico and I am going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!! And since I am part of the Echelon Mexico, I have been rather occupied. And I have a surprise which I may tell you about later. No, I will definitely tell you everything about it later. Maybe even post some pictures, hehehe.

The other reasons are my french classes and that I am going to start studying Psychology next week. So, I'll probably dissapear again for the rest of the month. See ya later!!

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Jajaja, la que no tenía ganas de escribir, ¿no? La verdad es que nada más estaba buscando un lugar donde poner la imagen, jejeje. Y ahí la tienen. 30 seconds to Mars en concierto en la ciudad de México el 26 de octubre en el Vive Cuervo Salón!!!! Boletos en www.ticketmaster.com.mx

Check this out!!!!

Wow!! You have to see this version of Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill". It's absolutely amazing! Sublime!!! These guys are awesome!