Art and life...

You know, I sometimes feel like I'm missing something... like there was this potential in me and I just haven't been able to even reach the edge of that ocean of creativity. And I always feel that when I find an artist that inspires me and see a glimpse of his or her mind.

It happened this time because of Brandon Boyd, vocalist of Incubus. I have wanted to buy his books for a long time now but still haven't had the chance. And so I was surfing around his website and stumble into his auto-sort-of bio. And his words struck something inside of me, that feeling I'm talking about. To read him talk about himself, his life, his art... I don't know why but it reminded me of something I still can't put my finger on.

"My life, as it were, is not unlike one of my drawings; a continually evolving, bulbous, mass of thought, after-thought, absurdity, intention and enthusiasm. Scribbled happily in ink without pencil lines and signed at the bottom." -Brandon Boyd-

It's really annoying 'cause I feel like I'm not living my life at all, like I'm just sitting on the edge of myself, contemplating me without jumping into life and bursting into a million colors and sounds.

But I don't know how to jump into it. I feel rusty and stiff. Still, I know I want to jump... hell, I'm gonna jump anyway. I know this artist in me is gonna wake up someday, like it has in the past and then go back to slumber, fermenting ideas and images until they are ready to flow out from my fingers... and come alive.

¡Se busca!

Si alguien lo encuentra y me lo trae, recibirá una gran recompensa! jajaja

(Tenía que ponerlo, jijiji)

Soy el jaguar que ve...

¿Sabes? Estaba observando la foto del jaguar que tengo aquí en el blog y me di cuenta de lo hermoso que es. Esas manchas que parecen de tinta negra, creando patrones aparentemente al azar, pero que forman una unidad coherente y armónica. Ninguna mancha sabe el papel que juega dentro de la totalidad de la piel del jaguar pero ahí está, ocupando un espacio que le pertenece sólo a esa mancha, formando parte del todo.

Nada ocurre porque sí. Al menos yo creo que podemos hacer de toda experiencia algo significativo en nuestras vidas, que nosotros le damos sentido a los que nos ocurre. Pero independientemente del sentido que nosotros les demos a esas experiencias, creo que tienen otro significado más allá, algo que no entenderemos hasta después, cuando volteemos a ver el patrón que formó nuestra vida. Sólo entonces comprenderemos muchas cosas, como las repercusiones de las decisiones que tomamos, o que decidimos no tomar.

Aunque a veces no hay que esperar tanto para entender... O más bien, tal vez no sea tan importante entender como experimentar, sumergirnos en el océano de nuestra vida, con todo y miedos, y empaparnos en ella. Quien sabe, tal vez ahí encontremos la razón de nuestra existencia... y si no, ¿qué importa? Al menos dejamos que la Vida nos llegara hasta los huesos... al menos nos lanzamos a lo profundo y nos atrevimos a amar.

"Only love can free us from the womb of time..." -Azam Ali-

You don't know what you are missing... ;)

How can I feel so sad and, at the same time, feel this serenity inside of me? Is that what it feels like when you know you have done everything you could, even though at the end things didn't work out the way you wanted them?

It feels wrong somehow, to have lost something that was just starting and looked so promising.

It is such a shame... we could have been great together... but your demons and dragons won this time. Only time will tell what will come out of this...

Fear...

"Los Dragones Negros del miedo son poderosos..."


Mira, la vida te está dando otra oportunidad... en medio de todo el dolor, la oscuridad y el caos, te ha traído luz... ¿Qué esperas para caminar hacia ella? ¿O prefieres quedarte ahí donde estás? ¿Vas a dejar que el miedo te paralice y se vaya esa luz?

You don't have to hurry... you just have to make the choice and start moving, slowly if you want, towards the light. But make that choice, choose Life. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved. Conquer your fears. CHOOSE LIFE.

Believe? ha!

Why should I?

Every time I take a step towards hope you send another poisoned arrow into my heart...

Before you swim you've gotta be ok to sink...

"Earth to Bella
This is a quiet emergency
Earth to Bella
There's so much more to get then wronged....

Earth to Bella
You're treading water successfully
But are you really?
Don't you want to see the deep?
It's not so hard
Just forgive yourself and feel the water open in..."

How can just a few words hurt so much? And how can silence hurt to? There are so many things I don't understand. But why should I care? Why do I have to care so fucking much?

¿Para qué sirven las decepciones? Si uno toma la decisión de aprender de ellas, sirven para crecer, para conocerse más a uno mismo y a los demás.

Just let it go... let it go... let yourself go... feel the knot disolve and go away... there are no chains anymore, nothing remains. There's nothing in here but me, only me... no one else. I am alone.

And I am tired...