Numb - Linkin Park - Lyrics

For the ones who brought me to this world...

I don't want history to repeat itself... Not again.

Sus pisadas recorren los pasillos
Escucho sus oídos ávidos de palabras,
buscando rarezas en la rutina,
sospechando en los rincones de la casa.

Me escondo bajo las sábanas
rezando para que mi voz muera en el aire
y así poder hablar sin miedo.

Despierto en la misma habitación.
De nuevo me cubro con la mentira
pero no puedo evitar derramar esta sal líquida
que me arde por dentro.

Esos pasos me atormentan.
Resuenan en mi cabeza como truenos.
Espero aterrada el momento
en que vuelva a escucharlos gritar,
en que sienta sus voces desgarrando
mi vida de nuevo, como papel...
en que vuelva a ver mi sangre
embarrada en sus manos
y ya no pueda respirar más...

_______________________________________________________

Escribí este poema hace 5 años. ¿Cómo es posible que esté volviendo a sentir exactamente lo mismo tanto tiempo después? ¿Todo este tiempo que ha pasado no ha servido para nada entonces? Creo que he estado haciendo mal las cosas... muy mal.

"So I stop talking and fade to bleak,
feeling insignificant, atrophied and weak.
Even though it's not who I know myself to be,
The Queen, the Confidence,
doesn't speak...

Your words they bring hurricanes.
Braving Shakespearean tempest,
The Mighty Tiger,
doesn't blink...

So I stop talking cause you always want me to shut up.
Take the center stage meanwhile I become your trusted, silent prop.
So take good care, this mighty woman's ready to explode,
Fire here below the surface of my volcano."

-Paula Cole, "14" lyrics

I don't ever want to feel this terrible and paralizing fear again. I cant allow myself to bow my head again, not again. Not anymore... I need to transform this panic in strength somehow. I have to be strong, as strong and constant as a mountain. The hurricane will have to get tired someday and realize that it cant do nothing against me.

And life still sucks... bigtime...

It just keeps getting worse. What the fuck is wrong?!?!?! oooh, but I know exactly what is wrong... the problem is how the hell can I fix it when I'm still so mad!! crazy-mad, seeing-all-red mad! How the fuck can I talk to someone who doesnt want to listen? who thinks everything they do is right and everything I do is wrong!?!? who systematically makes me feel like shit, like I have no worth and am not capable of thinking for myself? Someone who thinks I am selfish for wanting to do my life???

They are drowning me!! I cannot breathe!! Please, just stop it!! YOU ARE KILLING ME!!!!