Gamlen walked out of the room, leaving Hawke staring at the fireplace. She wished she could burn away the last images of her mother... that she could unsee, could go back in time and save her from the gruesome fate that stole her life. Her whole family was gone. Dead or taken. What had she done to bring all this loss and pain to her family? All gone...
“Oh, Maker...” a pained sob threatened to break her spirit right there but she hold it back. Anger was easier to handle. It gave her something to hold on to. But even she knew that hating the mage who had done this would not bring her mother back. He was dead, as was her mother, and that was it.
Hawke got up and went upstairs, moving as if the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. Her eyes avoided her mother’s room altogether. She just kept them glued to the floor on the way to her bedroom and didn’t even bother to close the door behind her.
The bed welcomed her as she sat down and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her legs. She didn’t move after that. It felt like time had stopped outside her door out of respect for her loss and went on flowing as usual, touching everything except the space she inhabited. She didn’t hear Bodahn opening the estate’s door for someone. Didn’t hear the hushed voices, whispering at the entrance as if they were too scared to speak louder because they didn’t want to upset the air inside the house... even Howl was silent, no welcoming barks for the visitor. Not even the footsteps she had come to know so well coming up the stairs and approaching her bedroom touched her ears. But when he entered the room, Hawke didn’t need to turn around to know it was Sebastian who was walking towards her. He had always possessed a radiance that brought light even to the darkest emotions.
“Marion...” he whispered, unsure.
Hawke closed her eyes. “Is it my fault?” she asked, the pain and guilt in her voice crushing Sebastian’s heart.
“It is not your fault, Marion. Not even the Maker would have been able to stop this.” Sebastian’s doubts disappeared and he sat down beside her, gently, not caring about anything else but being there for her, the woman who had stood by his side and supported him when no one else had.
The warm weight of his body next to hers made her look up, her eyes looking for his. She meant to say something different but the expression in his blue eyes erased those words and put his name on her lips.
“Sebastian...”
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” He placed his hand on her back in an attempt to comfort her. Hawke relaxed a little and looked down again. They remained in silence, their heads full of unspoken questions and what if’s both thought inappropriate to voice in that moment.
“Say something. Anything,” she begged when she couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
Sebastian hesitated for a second and then chose a safe answer. “Your mother is with the Maker now. She’s not suffering anymore. I will put her name on the chantry’s memorial wall tomorrow.” His voice was soft but confident, like a mother caressing a child after a fall.
For some reason, Hawke found comfort in his words. She needed to believe that it was true, that maybe mother was with father and Bethany right then, laughing and hugging and free of pain. A small smile crawled into Hawke’s face.
“Thank you, Sebastian.”
She leaned on him, needing to feel someone holding her, forgetting that maybe his vows didn’t even allow him that small freedom. Sebastian’s body tensed. It was the first time she was that close to him and strange desires he hadn’t felt in years began to stir in his heart. But he held her anyway. It would have been more wrong to not give her the comfort she needed, the support he knew she craved. He was sure the Maker would understand...
Hawke sighed when his arms surrounded her. She felt safe.
Sebastian rested his cheek on Hawke’s hair and allowed himself to close his eyes. He realized he had been dreaming about doing this for a long time now and it felt more right than he had imagined. He breathed her in and knew in that moment, deep in his soul, that his heart had finally made a choice.
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