Coldplay - A Message

What a stupid, stupid lamb...

I'm not feeling so good today. God, I... damn it!!! I just wanna crawl into a dark corner and stay there and be alone and not see or listen to anyone. Because the only fucking person I want to see...

Stop. I don't want to think, specially not about that.

I'm just gonna lie here, alone, complete. Not think, just breathe. Not move, just be, here, now. Nothing else exists. There's no past, no future. Just this instant, just this one breath.

I'm not afraid to feel, to love... I should not be scared. Nothing will happen if I lose, nothing will happen. I'm still going to be me, this crazy, bright, intense, beautiful, passionate woman. And I won't have any regrets because I did what I wanted and I didn't hold back anything I wanted to give or say or do.

But, well, I am sad today...

"And I lie here in bed all alone... I can't mend what I feel. Tomorrow will be ok..."

Yeah, this too shall pass...

o.O

I think I'm way too innocent... or naive... for my own good. Shit, I don't know what I'm doing... I'm playing with fire and I'm gonna get burned.

I don't like to play mind games...

Please, don't play with me... please, don't hurt me. I don't deserve this and you know it.

What if I have already lost?

Art and life...

You know, I sometimes feel like I'm missing something... like there was this potential in me and I just haven't been able to even reach the edge of that ocean of creativity. And I always feel that when I find an artist that inspires me and see a glimpse of his or her mind.

It happened this time because of Brandon Boyd, vocalist of Incubus. I have wanted to buy his books for a long time now but still haven't had the chance. And so I was surfing around his website and stumble into his auto-sort-of bio. And his words struck something inside of me, that feeling I'm talking about. To read him talk about himself, his life, his art... I don't know why but it reminded me of something I still can't put my finger on.

"My life, as it were, is not unlike one of my drawings; a continually evolving, bulbous, mass of thought, after-thought, absurdity, intention and enthusiasm. Scribbled happily in ink without pencil lines and signed at the bottom." -Brandon Boyd-

It's really annoying 'cause I feel like I'm not living my life at all, like I'm just sitting on the edge of myself, contemplating me without jumping into life and bursting into a million colors and sounds.

But I don't know how to jump into it. I feel rusty and stiff. Still, I know I want to jump... hell, I'm gonna jump anyway. I know this artist in me is gonna wake up someday, like it has in the past and then go back to slumber, fermenting ideas and images until they are ready to flow out from my fingers... and come alive.

¡Se busca!

Si alguien lo encuentra y me lo trae, recibirá una gran recompensa! jajaja

(Tenía que ponerlo, jijiji)

Soy el jaguar que ve...

¿Sabes? Estaba observando la foto del jaguar que tengo aquí en el blog y me di cuenta de lo hermoso que es. Esas manchas que parecen de tinta negra, creando patrones aparentemente al azar, pero que forman una unidad coherente y armónica. Ninguna mancha sabe el papel que juega dentro de la totalidad de la piel del jaguar pero ahí está, ocupando un espacio que le pertenece sólo a esa mancha, formando parte del todo.

Nada ocurre porque sí. Al menos yo creo que podemos hacer de toda experiencia algo significativo en nuestras vidas, que nosotros le damos sentido a los que nos ocurre. Pero independientemente del sentido que nosotros les demos a esas experiencias, creo que tienen otro significado más allá, algo que no entenderemos hasta después, cuando volteemos a ver el patrón que formó nuestra vida. Sólo entonces comprenderemos muchas cosas, como las repercusiones de las decisiones que tomamos, o que decidimos no tomar.

Aunque a veces no hay que esperar tanto para entender... O más bien, tal vez no sea tan importante entender como experimentar, sumergirnos en el océano de nuestra vida, con todo y miedos, y empaparnos en ella. Quien sabe, tal vez ahí encontremos la razón de nuestra existencia... y si no, ¿qué importa? Al menos dejamos que la Vida nos llegara hasta los huesos... al menos nos lanzamos a lo profundo y nos atrevimos a amar.

"Only love can free us from the womb of time..." -Azam Ali-

You don't know what you are missing... ;)

How can I feel so sad and, at the same time, feel this serenity inside of me? Is that what it feels like when you know you have done everything you could, even though at the end things didn't work out the way you wanted them?

It feels wrong somehow, to have lost something that was just starting and looked so promising.

It is such a shame... we could have been great together... but your demons and dragons won this time. Only time will tell what will come out of this...

Fear...

"Los Dragones Negros del miedo son poderosos..."


Mira, la vida te está dando otra oportunidad... en medio de todo el dolor, la oscuridad y el caos, te ha traído luz... ¿Qué esperas para caminar hacia ella? ¿O prefieres quedarte ahí donde estás? ¿Vas a dejar que el miedo te paralice y se vaya esa luz?

You don't have to hurry... you just have to make the choice and start moving, slowly if you want, towards the light. But make that choice, choose Life. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved. Conquer your fears. CHOOSE LIFE.

Believe? ha!

Why should I?

Every time I take a step towards hope you send another poisoned arrow into my heart...

Before you swim you've gotta be ok to sink...

"Earth to Bella
This is a quiet emergency
Earth to Bella
There's so much more to get then wronged....

Earth to Bella
You're treading water successfully
But are you really?
Don't you want to see the deep?
It's not so hard
Just forgive yourself and feel the water open in..."

How can just a few words hurt so much? And how can silence hurt to? There are so many things I don't understand. But why should I care? Why do I have to care so fucking much?

¿Para qué sirven las decepciones? Si uno toma la decisión de aprender de ellas, sirven para crecer, para conocerse más a uno mismo y a los demás.

Just let it go... let it go... let yourself go... feel the knot disolve and go away... there are no chains anymore, nothing remains. There's nothing in here but me, only me... no one else. I am alone.

And I am tired...

Sarah Mclachlan - Elsewhere (with Paula Cole)

Esta canción y la anterior son mis canciones de batalla en estos momentos de mi vida.
Nunca había escuchado esta versión y la amo! Sarah McLachlan y Paula Cole son dos de mis cantantes favoritas. woohoo!!

He aquí la letra:

I love the time
and inbetween
the calm inside me in the space
where I can breathe

I believe there is a distance
I have wandered to touch upon the years of
reaching out
and reaching in
holding out
holding in.

I believe
this is heaven
to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be
left here to linger
in silence
if I
choose to
would you
try to
understand.

I know this love
is passing time
passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire
but I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and
hold me near..

I believe..

I believe
this is heaven
to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be
left here to linger
in silence
if I
choose to
would you
try to
understand.

Oh the quiet child
awaits the day
when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation.

Mother
can't you see I've got to
live my life the way I feel is
right for me
might not be right for you but it's
right for me..

I believe...

I believe
this is heaven
to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be
left here to linger
in silence
if I
choose to
would you
try to
understand it.

I would
like to
linger
here in
silence
if I
choose to
would you
try to
understand...

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy live (Mirrorball dvd)

All the fear has left me now
I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh.
it's my mouth that pushes out this breath

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love.

Companion to our demons
they will dance and we will play.
With chairs candles and clothes
making darkness in the day.
It will be easy to look in or out
upstream or down
without a thought

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it.
I won't fear love.

Peace in the struggle to find peace.
Comfort on the way to comfort

and if I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love...